I’m 30s. As in my age. 30 something. The time where lots of our parents had already had three of us. By 30 my mom had 3 of us, I have two Bros. Shout out to y’all.
Anyway, since turning 30 something I’ve been pressed. Panini. Pressed I don’t have a family, a life partner, or children. Pressed I’m not further in my career. It’s been a struggle. The timelines society had for women are rigid. Once you turn a certain age the conversation goes to stay away from boys to when are you giving your parents grandbabies. Huh?!
Since being 30s something I feel that pressure thick and heavy. I look around and feel like I have nothing. No kids, no man (not even a bf), no property, no poppin career. What have I been doing with this gift called life.
My older bro has told me he noticed me talking about not having kids a few times. It’s clearly a milestone I was subconsciously then consciously aware that I haven’t reached.
I’m back home with my parents. There’s so much to unpack there. For now we’re just going to use the fact as a point to understand I do own property or land. I do own a car which I’ve considered living in. Tales for another post, maybe.
So 30 something, no kids, no flashy career, or black card. Sucks. Until. I got some perspective.
I watched some of the bossed up women in my life handle being a wife, motherhood, own homes, living on their own, and maintain their dope careers. That ish is work!
Is it work I’m willing to do right now? There’s truly nothing I would out before sleep. If u had kids however, sleep would have to be after them. When my second cousin was born I flew out to “help out.” Listen having to watch someone who can’t sleep because they literally need to feed someone with there body and it’s painful?! Told me about myself. Told me I can chill, kids will come when the time is right or not at all. But right now I can enjoy sleep.
I’ve watched these super moms I know travel internationally with two kids. I’ve watched them take their children on outings and try to satisfy both when they want completely different things.
I am blessed to be a godmother. Essentially it means it’s requested of me when I need to put a “mom hat” on or I volunteer. I get to accept or decline. I have a choice. If these children were mine I would not have a choice. When I am in godmommy, Nenen in Creole Ayisien, I am challenged. My patience is challenged, my problem solving skills are challenged, and my pockets are challenged.
The issue of not having children goes hand in hand with not having true financial stability or financial freedom.
So why am I pressed. Well I’m learning I don’t have to be and don’t need to be. I haven’t reach my highest potential in my career. Yes I also feel pressure from my biological clock but there’s time left and after that time there’s options.
Also. Relationships are hard. There’s two people you have to consider. There’s compromise you have to reach. Right now it’s just about me. I can focus on myself. I don’t have to wake up at 3a to feed someone, unless I want a snack. I don’t have to put someone else needs before my own. I should enjoy the time I have to be selfish, because eventually, that could change.
Besides in other cultures they live at home until marriage.
Are you 30 something or 20 something and felt pressure to have kids or pressure to have it all? Comment below.